I'm laying in bed skin to skin listening to my little bird breathing. In and out, in and out. I can smell his newborn-ness and it takes me to a different world. I am drinking in every rise of his chest, every move of his tiny precious body. His head rests against my heart and the rest of his body just lying so still on mine, rising with mine with each breath I take. His legs are so tucked up into the rest of him you wouldn't know he had any. We are covered with blankets and as he sleeps I try to take in what has happened over the last couple of weeks.
Here's our story.
Friday (the 30th) I woke up in the middle of the night -around 1:15 am- and spent a good thirty minutes in the bathroom. I knew that prior to labor many womens' bodies go through a self cleansing type of action and figured that's what was happening to me since my due date was the next day. I managed to get back to bed and get some decent sleep but still felt sick in the morning when I woke up. I had Jeff come home from work just in case I was to go into labor. Nothing happened all day. I was slightly disappointed but I was also keeping in mind that I technically wasn't due for another day and had tried to mentally prepare to 'go' late. Saturday rolls by with some mild cramping and really irregular contractions. Sunday comes and at about 3:30 in the afternoon I lost my plug. Woot! I called my friend and Doula,
Jessie and we talked about how I was feeling, if contractions were getting any stronger or more frequent. No and no. We guesstimated things could progress in the evening and overnight so to prepare Jeff and I gathered up Roman and his goods and took him to my moms just in case.
That evening we walked around Walmart (because it was disgustingly hot out and the mall was closed) for a little while to see if we could get these irregular contractions more regular. No luck. Monday comes and goes with the same infrequent contractions, some more painful than others, but I was able to talk through them still. It's now Tuesday, Aug 3rd. I didn't wake up feeling any different than the other days, except maybe a little more cramping. We went about our day trying not to think too much of it, just in case it was another false alarm. Tuesday afternoon I notice the contractions becoming a little more regular and stronger. Roman had been at my moms for the day to allow Jeff and I to focus on either sleeping or walking or somehow getting this baby out. We went over after Jeff and I napped and while were there visiting, my mom wanted me to time the contractions. I'm horrible at this. Every time I'd try before I'd get distracted and forget, or not have a paper and pen near, or what have you. Well, they ended up being 5-6 minutes apart and my mom suggested we go to the hospital asap. :) She was nervous I was going to wait until too long before going, but I wanted to wait as long as possible before going. So we just hung out at her house for a couple hours, playing with Roman. When we decided to leave my contractions were strong enough where I had to focus on them while having one. I could have talked if I wanted to, but it was easier not to. So the decision was made.
We headed back home to pick up our luggage and grab whatever else we needed for the hospital. I called Jessie and she met us at home and we headed over about 9pm. When we got there we went up to Labor and Delivery, was given a room and told to hang out while they got some things situated. My nurse (whom I loved) was super awesome. She took my vitals and we went over some of my wishes, ie. if I wasn't dilated far enough if I wanted to go home or stay, etc. Alice came in a short while later and checked me and I was at a 6! Yay! Labor had indeed begun.
We decided I should get walking around to help things go faster, but each time we headed to the door I'd have a contraction that put me on my hands and knees, so we never got to leave the room. After about an hour and a half (I think) my water broke, which was the weirdest feeling. I felt like I should hold it in or something, but we all know that's not possible. :) Once my water broke the contractions sped up. I'm not sure what time anything after this point happened because I was laboring pretty much the entire time on my hands and knees, with my eyes closed, face to the floor. At some point I got into the tub, which didn't last long because shortly after I felt the urge to push. Plus those tubs are NOT big enough for laboring women! C'mon, what do they want you to do, just sit in there? Jessie suggested I get out so Alice can see if I can start pushing, and because we didn't want to deliver this baby over the side of the tub. How awkward.
Alice wanted to check my dilation on my back, but I wasn't having it. I don't remember what she said I was at, but I wasn't far along enough to start pushing. And this is where things get really fuzzy. My contractions were so on top of each other and so incredibly strong that I don't remember much except Alice telling me to lay on my side (which made contractions unbearable and the urge to push stronger than ever), then my other side. They were monitoring Viggo's heart rate and apparently it was really low, which concerned them. I'm not sure why she wanted me on my sides since, to me, that was doing more harm than good, and knowing that sitting up (okay, being held up by Jessie and Jeff) I could control them a lot more, and his heart rate would go up a bit. The other issue was my involuntary pushing. It was causing my cervix to swell making me stuck at an 8. I had to control the pushing for the swelling to go down in order for me to progress. I tried, how how I tried. But anyone who knows what that feeling is like knows how difficult it is to control it.
With each contraction Viggo's heart rate dropped. They don't like to see it below 120 and it was hovering around 60-80. For how long, I don't know, but the next thing I do know is the decision to perform an emergency c-section was made. I saw Jeff signing some papers and a glimpse of him getting into some scrubs, but other than that I was trying to stay focused on my task at hand. Breathing. Floods of nurses came in, and my once quiet, calm room was now chaotic. They were hooking up IV's, telling me to move around -at the peak of a contraction, no less... I could have punched someone, giving me a shot to help stop the contractions (which totally didn't work, by the way), putting an oxygen mask around my face, and being all around busy bodies.
I was wheeled back to the O.R. shortly after...without my support system. It was the hardest thing ever to go through the pain of my contractions without my husband (and Jessie, of course) by my side. I was transfered to the operating table, told to sit up for the epidural, laid back down, had one last horrible contraction and then the pain went away to which I was so grateful. Jeff came in shortly after I was prepped and ready to go. We waited and waited and waited. I know it was a matter of minutes, but it seemed like hours before we heard that precious little cry. The nurses brought him over for me to see him and the took him away to be assessed. I told Jeff to go with him to make sure everything was okay and to take photos. He came back a short while later and told me we have a perfectly healthy 8 pound 4 oz little boy. They finished patching me up (Jeff saw my guts, by the way...weird.) and wheeled me into recovery. A little while later they brought Viggo in so we could nurse and finally be together. Jeff came in and we've been together ever since. :)
While I'm still sorting through emotions of "needing" a c-section (it's up for debate if you ask me), having a new baby and balancing it with letting go of Roman a little bit, I wouldn't change what God has given me for anything. I am truly blessed and can't wait to get a handle on these hormones!
-S
