one month.

i just posted her birth story {here and here} and she's already a month old. where did the time go?! what an easy baby she is. the only thing i think she dislikes is getting undressed. other than that she is happy and healthy. oh how we love you clementine! 

Clementine Eulalie ::a birth story::

part two.

{photo by haleigh steere}

i rolled over and peered at the clock. 4:53am. i scolded my body for not allowing me those seven extra minutes of sleep, but i was wide awake anticipating the day. my girls birth day. i laid in bed until the alarm went off and jeff got up. i took note that everything i did on this day would be the last time i'd ever do it while pregnant; forcing myself out of bed with a very round belly, the pain of my loosened joints and the weight of my girl, feeling her triple sowcow inside of me. there are some not so great things about pregnancy as well. for example, the slight growth of my nose from the extra fluid and the only comfortable thing to wear being leggings or my favorite black and white striped skirt. oh, and the feeling of running a marathon after going up a flight or stairs. i probably wont miss those things.  

i dressed for the day in said leggings, a tank top and a too-short-to-wear-at-37-weeks-pregnant sweater, applied my make-up and packed up the car. i looked around one last time and marveled at the fact that when we would return, there would be five of us. 

our drive to des moines felt surreal.  we were going to have a baby in a matter of hours but i wasn't in labor. that was a bizarre concept for me to grasp. jeff and i talked about what we were anticipating happening, praying that this sweet life wouldn't need nicu care or surgery or anything we were told could be a possibility.  

we arrived at the hospital, parked, and headed up to the labor and delivery floor to check in. once all the paper work was done we were taken to a pre/post- op room where i 'gowned up' and my nurse started poking me and strapping me to monitors and asking questions and giving me more papers to sign.  once i was all set we waited until the doctor came in and said it was time and he'd see us in a few minutes.

 {photo by haleigh steere}

 {photo by haleigh steere}

large amounts of antacids are disgusting. 
{photo: haleigh steere}

c-sections are no fun. i'm baffled at those to elect this procedure over natural. the recovery, for me at least, is brutal. and the tugging and pressure and pulling during the whole thing is terribly uncomfortable. but when i hear her cry...oh her precious first cries were amazing. i immediately started crying and then an emotion i wasn't expecting washed over me. i wasn't ready to see her. i was nervous about what she would look like, thinking she wouldn't look the way she should. i didn't mind them taking their time to assess her and i was a little jealous that jeff was at her side, only because i couldn't tell him how i was feeling.  i had to face this embarrassing fear alone. and then jeff brought her to me and i noticed her chubby little hand sticking out of the blanket and her beautiful swollen little face and i died.  girl looks like roman's twin. seriously.  we're a month in and sometimes i need to remind myself she is a she and not roman.

after spending a few moments with her and a chat with the nicu doctor, they took her to the regular nursery to finish their assessment. my doctor finished patching me up and i was wheeled back into my recovery room. so, all i did for this delivery was lay on a table and post op felt as though i had been through labor as well. i was exhausted. all i wanted was sleep...and to stop involuntarily shivering...mostly so i could relax and sleep. a couple nurses brought clementine back to me within an hour and we nursed. and it was perfect...aside from all the cords hooked up to me. that made it a bit awkward and i needed extra hands, but she nursed perfectly. after our little bonding the nurses took her back to the nursery...i think. i remember they took her away again, and jeff went with them, again, but i don't remember why. i was so groggy and tired.

{photos by haleigh steere}

it took a while, but once i was able to move my legs a little bit i was transferred to our post-partum room. it's odd how the hospital is set up. labor and delivery on the third floor, nciu on the fourth and post delivery on the second. i find it hilarious the way they took me down to our room.  it was this device that acted like a hammock. i was rolled onto it and then lifted up and wheeled to an elevator and to our room, then lowered down.  pretty handy piece of equipment.  we then began our four day hospital stay.

clementine went through a morning of tests the day after her birth. so much so she was exhausted and barely nursed the rest of the day. i am so proud of how well she did. we chatted with the pediatricians about the results of her tests and one of them even wanted to take photos of her to be able to teach his students about TS and also that they are not just a statistic. i was reluctant to consent because selfishly i didn't want my daughter to be a teaching tool-it was too painful, but jeff had no issue with it as long as it was to enlighten others. in the end, it never happened, and i'm grateful for that.

 jeff went home saturday morning to pick up the boys and i convinced my sweet friend haleigh to come stay the night with me. i didn't want to be alone. luckily she's awesome  and we had a slumber party and snuggled my girl in my double bed and watched movies. there ended up being some issues with clementine losing too much weight and i was so emotional about having to supplement her. i began pumping after i nursed her but still ended up needing to give her a bit of formula. thankfully haleigh was there to help me get through that because i was a mess over it. and my supply came in as soon as we arrived home, so the need for supplementing was no longer necessary.

the boys came to visit with jeff's parents saturday as well. i was able to see them briefly and could tell they wanted to be home and they missed jeff and me. i was ready to go home then, but because of clementine's weight we had to stay until sunday, and clementine almost had to stay until monday, but the pediatrician felt we were competent parents and would do what we could to get her weight back up and he okay'd us to go home sunday. all we needed to do was have a follow up appointment to have her weighed.

sunday finally arrived and i was aching to go home and be with my boys. haleigh left mid morning and it was just me and my girl. because of her weight and early delivery, clementine needed to go through what's called the car seat test. all that's involved in that one is she is buckled into her car seat for ninety minutes -i know, long right?- while hooked up to monitors to make sure she doesn't stop breathing. due to the incline of the car seat and her size, it's somewhat common for that to happen (mostly to premature babies, though). once again she passed with flying colors and we waited to be discharged. my dad picked us up and took us home and roman was ready to hold his baby sister immediately. it was a precious sight.

we are in love with this precious gift.

{photo: haleigh steere}

Clementine Eulalie ::a birth story::

part one.

here we are, the week of valentine's day, and i'm just now getting my crap together long enough to write the story of my daughters birth.  in a way, it feels silly writing about a scheduled c-section, seeing as how it's more 'predictable,' but there were still so many emotions involved and i don't want to forget how far we've come on our journey to meet this precious life.  

two weeks before her birth i went all nesting-on-crack on everyone.  in that span of time i sought out, found and purchased a dresser for her room. sanded, primed, painted and chevroned said dresser with the help of a great friend {whom without i'm positive it wouldn't have turned out as amazing as it did, or even gotten done. thanks beth! xo}, found a crib on craigslist and went to pick it up with another great friend on our way to supper in des moines, put the crib together by myself that night, purchased a mattress the next day as well as  fabric for crib sheets. made yet another great friend sew three crib sheets for me, i made eight burp cloths, went shopping for nursery wall decor, found some cute wooden birds and modge podged scrapbook paper on them, bought more fabric and sewed a couple gauze swaddle blankets...and made a feather stamp from a potato and stamped one of them.  

exhale. 

i think that covers most of it.  there's nothing like a deadline to get you motivated. her room is still not completely done, though. i'm not entirely satisfied with the wall decor so i'll be adding to it here and there. plus her windows are begging for some curtains. good thing she doesn't sleep in there yet. :) 

fast forward to january 23rd.  coming off of four hours of sleep the previous night, you'd think i would have been tired.  i was. i let the boys watch a little too much kipper the dog that morning so i could rest on the couch. don't worry, they didn't mind.  and as soon as i got my butt up i made sure to take special notice of the little things the boys did because this was my last day with just them.  it was an ordinary day. we ran last minute errands, ate lunch, took naps, pitched fits and packed bags. but at the same time it wasn't ordinary. it was the last day of this particular routine. we had been counting down the days to their sleepover at grandma's house and talking about how mommy will be in the hospital for a few days and won't be able to see them {flu policy at the hospital, thank goodness for face time...i missed them like crazy!} and while roman understood for the most part, i was hoping viggo would have a roll with it kind of disposition.  leaving them made me nervous. not because we were just leaving them for an overnight with the grandparents, but because when we reconnected, life would be different. good different, but different nonetheless.  

that evening we loaded all the boys' stuff up in the van and met jeff's parents at el azteca for a celebratory supper.  afterwards we all headed to jeff's parents house and hung out there for a little bit.  i was trying to soak in every last second with my boys.  we switched car seats out and i went through our nightly oiling of the feet with jeff's mom.  roman and viggo had gotten small colds earlier that week so i had brought every essential oil cindy could possibly need...with instructions on use, of course.  we had been praying hard against illness {specifically the flu} in the weeks prior to this moment, so i was on high alert with the defenses.  around the boys bedtime jeff and i hugged and kissed them a little extra, and took on last family photo of just the four of us, and hugged and kissed a little more, then we were off.  when we got home i sat in our empty home marveling at the fact that we were hours away from meeting this new life. a new life that, at several points along the way, we were sure we wouldn't get to meet until heaven. we packed our bags for the hospital and jeff went to bed.  i tried falling asleep, but i was consumed with thought. it took more than an hour for sleep to finally make its appearance. and then i was up before the alarm.