I am loving this weather! And to make things better, next week promises temps in the 70's! 

Roman and I are on for play dates. We love hanging out with people as much as possible, especially when it is fantastic outside. Sunshine does wonders. 

Yesterday morning we headed to Grimes to visit a friend we haven't seen since fall. It is so bizarre to say that because fall seemed like so long ago. 

Danielle's two children are absolutely heart melting. I can't get enough of them. Caden is a rowdy two-year-old. A boy to the core. And sweet Mabel is so full of expression. At almost one, she is tiny yet full of personality. Roman was hooked from the moment he laid eyes on her. It was almost a protective 'I need to be as close to you as possible' attitude he had. Loved it.

Us moms chatted about everyday things. Being mamas, wives and our daily struggles. Crochet blankets and nursing. It was so refreshing to be around an old friend whom I have so much in common with.  We will be getting together a lot in the near future.

It was just a splendid, uneventful, satisfying day. 

love,

-s

Late Night

I'm sitting here in bed at eleven thirty pm, next to a peacefully slumbering man, envying him. How I long to be sleeping, lost in a dream, but instead, am completely awake. It's most inconvenient, really, and it's claimed my heavily sought after zzz's for several nights in a row now.

I have been trying to fall asleep for the past two hours.  Flipping sides, trying to keep my eyes open for as long as I can without blinking, trying to soothe a restless leg, all to no avail.  I spend a lot of days (especially lately) incredibly tired anyway, so throwing this curve ball into the mix is less than appealing.  How am I supposed to be a great (let alone, productive) mom and wife during the day when my family needs me most, if can't even get a good nights sleep?

I love to sleep. It's a favorite past time. And I miss it.

I was recently emailed by a friend to see if I was interested in being a part of our church's high school ministry 'Girls Formal Dinner.'  Instead of having a guest speaker, they want some women to come and talk about finding our identity in Christ. Most people probably (I'm assuming) wouldn't have any problem with this invite.  And not that I have a problem with it in any way. It's a great idea to help encourage young women in finding their own identity in Christ. But it scares the crap out of me. I'm very intimidated by it. I'm nervous that if I spill to a bunch of strangers that I myself still don't know who I am, it would expose me for the impostor I am.  I'm too worried about not looking stupid or dumb or trendy to embrace what I really enjoy. Girl-y things. Things like the color pink, and dresses, and coffee, and high heels, and I don't like to cook (which isn't that girl-y, but you get the idea). I don't voice my opinion much or answer questions much because I don't think I really have a valid, legit, or right answer.

This afternoon while feeding Roman a late lunch, some major emotion came over me and I cried. In front of Roman. I wasn't sure what I was crying about, but I was obviously unhappy about something.  All I wanted was for Jeff to come home from work and just be close to me or go to my room and lay in the fetal position. Obviously that couldn't happen, and since Roman wasn't too hungry, I hurriedly packed up my camera, some snacks and water and we got outside where it was 60 degrees. It made things better for a little while. We went to a park and I took some photos and we basked in the sun for a little while before running a couple errands. Sunshine. Ahh, sunshine.

When we got home Roman wanted to play outside some more, so as he was throwing rocks it dawned on me.  I'm having and identity crisis and some big time confidence issues. I had myself convinced today that I was a terrible mother. Roman wasn't eating much of anything, let alone anything good for him, and I was freaking out that he wasn't getting what he needs to thrive, and it was my fault.  Which then led back to the feeling of helplessness regarding his food allergies.

I feel a home is a major expression of one's identity. It's where you pour out your creativity and love.  Jeff and I have been blessed. We moved out of our cute little home and in to Jeff's parents home last September.  We were hoping it would have been a shorter stay than it's turned into, but we're thankful nonetheless. Since this is not my home, I haven't been able to express my creativity in one of the most cherished and fun ways I can think of. I love decorating! I love hanging photos, rearranging furniture, painting walls, etc, etc.  Can't do that here.

Then, there's this blog I came across in the last couple months, and I've fallen addicted to reading it. This blogger, Kelle, is just super. I wish she wasn't all the way in Naples, Fl. so we could hang out. The way she puts words on 'paper' is like none I've read before. She captures raw emotion and I love how real and down to earth she is.  I kinda want to be like that. I feel like parts of me are like her. She appears to be of those 'do it all' type women, and because most moms think they should be able to do it all, the pressure we put on ourselves is heavy.

Because I'm so inspired by this blogger, I feel (and I do it to myself 100%) that I should as well be all those things that I so love about her.  Very draining!

I suppose to make a very long, drawn out post short, I don't know who I am, think I'm a sub par parent, want to be crafty but don't have the energy or attention span to learn, and want to get involved with something, but am scared to 'put myself out there'. Weird.

Have you heard of the poem 'Welcome to Holland'? I feel like I am in Holland. Wanting so badly to get to Italy. Regardless of the fact that my child doesn't have a disability, the metaphor still stands. I want to be somewhere I'm not, and the fact of the matter is, this is where I am. So deal. Make the best of it. Make it amazing. Learn to love Holland.

So I'm going to try. I will fail sometimes, but I'm going to make Holland my Italy, one way or another.

I can't get enough of baby feet. They're just delicious.

For the record, I finished this the day after I started writing it. God blessed me with a few hours of sleep!

-s

Nashville.

Our first actual 'Family (of four) Vacation' just ended. It was full of planning anxiety, excitement, and the impatient-ness of getting out of this town!  Preparing for a four night, five day (2 of those days being driving days. Puke.), for just two people is a cinch. Adding a 15 month old into the mix took it to a whole different level. In a good way, of course.

Our plan of action was to leave on Sunday and come back Thursday. I was busy getting last minute things in order on Friday (the 12th) when, at the grocery store, Jeff suggested we leave Saturday morning instead, and drive however far we felt like. I was in slight disbelief because Jeff rarely does things spontaneously. I was in heaven. We stayed up late Friday to get everything ready to go, and the next morning headed out.

We drove to Effingham, Illinois. Weirdest name for a city, in my opinion. We strolled in after dark and found a hotel, not motel, to stay in. Something about motels gives me the creeps. I'm positive we'll be killed if we stay in one (especially in a city of said name). Think about it, in all those horror movies where people were killed, were they ever staying at a hotel? No. (Jeff just interjected about 'The Shining', but I've never seen that one, so it doesn't count).

Our drive to Illinois wasn't as bad as I expected. Thank you Elmo's World. We snacked on fruit and bagels for the most part, and took a couple 15 minute breaks to stretch our legs. We luckily missed a bad semi-to end of other-semi accident. Traffic was at a stand-still for several miles. It looked something like this.

It was absolutely ridiculous. People just gave up and threw their car in park and walked their dogs or got out and went for a stroll. There were some ambitious individuals who wanted to get out so badly they decided to try cutting across the wet, muddy highway divider. Dumb. We saw many cars stuck in the mud.

When we got to our motel  hotel, we unloaded and went straight to Whole Foods. Ever been to one? No? You must go. It is the most mind-blowing grocery store we have ever been to. We visited this same Whole Foods a couple years ago when we went out to see a friend, and haven't been able to stop talking about it since.

We went to Franklin the next day. It was just delightful there. We had heard downtown was awesome so we wanted to check it out. It did not disappoint!  There were some awesome boutiques and shops and a delicious Starbucks there, among many other cute stores. It was a happening downtown. Loved it. 

 We also went to the zoo! Roman had a blast! He was such an awesome little traveler. We were blessed big time. We pushed him to his limit quite often, and most days he didn't even get a nap. He was awesome. I've never known love like this before. It's incredible. 

I'd say Roman's favorites were the chickens ("kak, kak, kak" -they're close enough to ducks), monkeys ("ah, ah, ah"), and anything under water. He was just fascinated by fish and the other under-water creatures we saw. 

It was a chilly 50-something degree day, so many of the animals weren't gracing us with their presence, but we had fun anyway. Watching Roman discover is such a reward. The light in his eyes as he sees or hears something for the first time, I won't ever forget. 

Wednesday was our 'no real plans' day. We just went all around Franklin, for the most part. The newer part-Cool Springs-, and back to downtown where I found this too cute for words cardigan for Roman. I'm kind of in love with it. It was between this and a delicious pair of golfer pants. I couldn't decided so I had Jeff pick. We ended the night with a fantastic dinner at the one and only Baja Burrito with Jeff's cousin Brian. Yum.

And we discovered these while driving around Nashville. The last 3 days we were there, Jeff 'needed' to have one. And the last one did him in. 

We also, to my hearts GREAT delight, found a delectable maternity boutique. For any woman out there who is pregnant and cannot find jeans that are long enough (meaning the traditional 34" inseam still makes you look like you're wearing capris), I have found the store for you!  Let me just say, it's one of the most amazing feelings to have a pair of lovely, dark wash, long enough you should probably cuff them, maternity jeans. I was sold as soon as I put them on. And the best part? They also came in a skinny jean! Oh-mazing! 

Our drive home was the nicest day both in Nashville and in Ames. So it's great that we got to be in the car for that.  We left before day break and got home after dinner. 

I guess that's all for now. I haven't had time to reflect 'deeply' on the experiences we had in Tennessee, but plan to soon. It was a wonderful time for Jeff, Roman and I to bond as a family. 

 For now, my bed, pillow and comforter are calling my name very loudly. Goodnight moon!

-s

In Cahoots!

This is how we Barton's feel today.

Whew. My little man (now along with mom and dad) are just in cahoots today. Roman has been extraordinarily clingy the last few days. Every time I hold him he wraps those not so chubby arms around my neck as tight as he possibly can, as though I were leaving forever.We haven't slept well, still have a million things to do before we leave for Nashville, aren't taking naps during the day, and watching a lot of Elmo to keep the boy occupied. 

We went in for our ultrasound today! Roman came with us and found out he is going to have a little brother! We are all so excited for our boys to be so close in age. I can only imagine how much fun they will have wrestling, fighting, playing and doing all sorts of boy things together! 

We couldn't be happier!

Wasserbahn

 Last weekend my delightful in-laws treated Jeff, Roman and I, along with my SIL and her cute family to an overnight at an indoor water park by the Amana Colonies. We had a great time for the most part!

This water park was nuts! Apparently everyone else around had the same idea as Art and Cindy did. If you can't swim outside, then swim inside. It was packed! Kids where everywhere.

When we arrived at the hotel, of course the first thing we did was get in our swim gear and head down. It was  considerably overwhelming for Roman due to a lack of sleep, but he was a trooper. He wasn't too fond of the water, though. It was quite humid in the water park, and naturally I thought the water would be nice and warm too. Nope. It was actually really cold! Needless to say, we didn't swim long.

The park had a kids area with smaller slides, and then there were the 2 big slides. I was lucky enough to avoid the pressure of going down any of the slides due to my awesome pregnant timing. I'm such a wuss. Jeff, Leah, Art, and Andrew all went down them though.

After our water fun, we headed out to dinner. Roman dined on sweet potato fries and some fruit, of which he enjoyed tremendously.

And here's when the night gets exciting. We can't very well have an uneventful overnight away from home, now can we. Roman went to bed around 9pm. He had been coughing a little more than his very infrequent ones a week prior. I thought he was just getting a cold. Around 11pm he (and I) woke up (I never really fell asleep) in a panic due to his inability to breathe well. My first instinct is to grab him and his epi pen to have it ready if he stops breathing all together. I thought it could be a delayed food reaction. Next I had Jeff call the front desk to call an ambulance. We sat, snuggled and prayed in the bathroom with the shower going to get some steam in the air.

When the paramedics arrived they checked him over. They determined no action on their part was needed, however they suggested we go to the hospital to be on the safe side, of which I agreed before they could finish their sentence.

We went to Mercy in IA City and our ER doctor determined Roman had a mild case of croup. Of all things! I'd hate to see what a severe case looked like. No breathing treatment was needed, thank goodness. Roman hates them. And he said the worst of it was most likely over.

We returned to the hotel, fell asleep around 2am, Roman woke up around 5:30am and I brought him into our bed where we slept for another hour and a half or so. We were up for the day around 7:15am. I believe we are all still recovering from a lack of sleep. We packed up and headed home after breakfast. It's good to be home.

Our next adventure: Nashville.