out with the old

A couple nights ago I had a hard time falling asleep. There was too much going on in my brain. I was thinking about who I used to be, and who I am today, and how I got to be that way. You see, pre marriage and Roman, well, I was pretty much just a high schooler. ha! But seriously. I would have described myself as a go-with-the-flow type girl. Didn't like confrontation (still don't, really), never really shared my thoughts/views on certain topics, from food to existence, hated reading books, didn't like making decisions...at all, never researched, well, anything. Get the picture? In a way, looking back, it's hard to see who I was, exactly; what, if anything, defined me or made me stand out. I've had a history of becoming like whomever I was around, which I found to be easier than potentially stepping on someones toes for disagreeing with them.

God saved me when I was a freshman in high school. I went to Escape, then called Ground Zero, was in a Bible study, and had Godly friends. God had truly changed my life and I repented of my sin. I was super on fire for Him right out of the shoot, as I believe most new Christ followers are. But the months go by and that fire slowly gets smaller (due to lack of discipline of reading my Bible, mainly), not ever going out, but not being fed, either. Make sense?

Needless to say, since I wasn't feeding myself with the Word, I wasn't growing. Since I wasn't growing, I pretty much stayed the same non-confrontational, blend in with the crowd kind of girl. (Not who we're called to be as Christ followers).

When Jeff and I met, I was 17 and he was 22. We got married when I was 20 and he was 24. During the whole dating, engagement, first year married, I was trying to, literally, become one. I was trying to force myself to become Jeff, essentially. Well, that didn't last long. I was miserable and made myself feel bad if I didn't have some of the same interests as he did. It was kind of a rough year for me. I needed to discover my interests again and how to incorporate all that into our marriage. What I knew about myself, without a DOUBT, was all I've ever wanted was to be a wife and a mom. That's it.Didn't really know what that looked like practically, in real life, but I knew it's what I wanted most. That is what I'm most passionate about, and I think that God honors that passion.

Early spring of last year we learned we were pregnant with Roman! I. Was. ECSTATIC! To say the least. Throughout the whole pregnancy, to my regret, I never did any research. Never picked up my Bible to see how God wants parents to raise their child(ren), never researched how diet during pregnancy affected the baby and entire pregnancy overall, never looked into types of birth options, never even considered, let alone researched, not vaccinating him! Never. Researched. Anything. My birth plan was to go to the hospital and have a baby. Whatever measures that took, okay. All, of course, with the best of intentions. I don't want to sound completely irresponsible! I have good natural mommy instincts, always have. But I wasn't prudent. I didn't think before I acted.

Even the first several months of Roman's life, I pretty much did what I thought was best, without talking much to others about their experiences. I think I was so caught up in the moment (a goooood moment to be caught up in) that I was just doing.

So what is this incredibly long post about?

God woke me up! It wasn't until Roman had his anaphalatic reaction this summer, but God has done a number on me since June. I am no longer the person (for the most part) I was before, which I'm happy about. Roman's food allergies forced me to read....books! ha! My eyes have been opened to a whole other world.

After doing all this reading, which I am currently still doing, and praying about it, having the support of my husband, I feel such peace about:

1. NOT vaccinating Roman and further, or any of my future children, and just entrusting their health to God. Now, don't think I'm a complete weirdo. I believe God gave us doctors for a reason. If they need medical attention, I most DEFINITELY will get them it. But only if they actually need it.

2. Becoming a homeopathic nerd. I feel if I can cure non-serious ailments with diet changes, and garlic and olive oil, and a host of other natural medicines, I am going to try that first!

3. Home birth. Really, really, really want my next baby to be born at home. Feels right. I have some more research to do about it, but that's the direction I'm going.

4. Cloth diapers. Don't think I need to explain that any further... ;)

5. Revamping our diet from yucky processed stuff, to fresh. (now, this doesn't mean I'm going to never ever eat oreos, or ice cream, or cereal. But it does mean that I want the majority of our food we eat to be healthy...which will be kind of a challenge for me, but I'm slowly getting used to it). And due to Roman's allergies, it's actually forcing us to eat healthier, as he will only be able to eat fresh foods and meats because you can pretty much guarantee there will be milk, eggs, peanuts, and soy in every processed food out there. Check the labels! ;)

If that doesn't just blow your mind, I don't know what will! God is working in me, making me more prudent, and I like it! But now I have to go because Roman woke up from his nap, and he is now playing with the blinds in our room.